ART JOURNAL: 12/14/21 10:13 PM
McKeesport PA. STUDIO
Perhaps it was some ancient wisdom absorbed through text or audio… Maybe it’s the reflections on the past, seen through the mind’s eye or a higher-self. Or maybe it’s just me looking for the weaknesses of former selves that have died in order to create the amalgamation writing this tonight.
“Start doing the things you love to do. You won’t love everything you begin but finish what you start.”
That’s the message floating around in the grey matter right now. That along with the Bukowski mantra of “Do what you love and let it kill you.”
I used to half-ass things. I’ve started writing novels, graphic novels, and short stories. Started illustration projects, paintings, films, plays…
That was trying to get creation time in while balancing full time jobs, relationships and a social life. Looking back; I realize how much time was wasted talking about things I wanted to do rather than just doing them. What can I know about myself if the work never makes it past the sketchbook? How can I move forward with all of these incomplete projects littering the path?
Do the work and put it out there.
Pass or fail.
Shit or gold.
I think my restart button is still a little sticky. I’ve always been an artist but embracing that is hard when you’re afraid to fail and sometimes even more terrified of success. I wore many disguises to throw the muses off track during this life.
Running from fate was a habit of mine.
I’ve been a goon, a bouncer, club manager, private security, a painter, and a repairman. I’ve also freelanced professionally as a bum, a hopeless romantic, a savage, a monk, and a sinner. There’s been some part time gigs as a madman, a savior, and a scoundrel for the sake of variety.
That’s a lot of hats and masks and titles worn in order to procrastinate.
The world can give you so many reasons to throw your dreams away. It starts by listening to the voices telling you that you can’t do the thing. Then it’s – Do the safe thing. Put your hours in. Keep earning a steady paycheck while those goals you once cherished fade into the background more and more with each year.
Then there’s this spark… a fire that refuses to go out no matter how many chattering voices try to throw water and dirt on the thing that burns inside you.
When the smoke clears, the same inevitable truth comes into focus again.
Do the work and put it out there.
Pass or fail.
Shit or gold.
I do know where this path ends but it starts here.
The Outsider is Me 